Blue Waves
by Killjoi
Summary: Loki has opened the portal to let in the army of chituri. But he is behaving strangely and as Thor comes to confront his brother, something happens. An alternative story if Loki was under Thanos's control and how he joined the Avengers.
1. chapter 1

chapter 1

"You can still stop Loki. Stop all of this madness"

Thor gazed at Loki's blue eyes in determination and hope. For a moment, Loki hesitated. Loki looked at Thor, and then to the chaos around him. In the distance, he could hear screams and obscene amounts of honking mixed with buildings being decimated by the alien chituri.

"It's too late." Loki said sadly. "Far too late " He pulls his arm back quickly before Thor could react. Suddenly, Loki freezes as his blue eyes widens and flickers. He drops the small hidden dagger between his fingers and it clutters over the building ledge pulled down by gravity. Simultaneously, a drips of blood splatters on the ledge, not from open wound but from Loki's mouth.

Loki clutches his stomach with one hand and other onto his mouth and doubles over in agonizing coughs and hacks. Thor is frozen in his spot, watching as life is drained from Loki's frail body.

Loki grabs hold of the window balcony desperately, staining it in blood red. Harzadously, his body stills sway back and forth. Blood is drips from his mouth, runs down his neck and steeps into his skin. Trembling, Loki looks up with tears in his eyes and meets Thor's gaze. Thor breaks out of his frozen horror and steps closer.

"Loki, what is happening?" Thor says with fear. Then he squints his eyes and pause. "Is this one of you tricks and illusions?"

"No!" Loki manages to strangle out amongst the painful coughs and huffs. Pain radiates from his very soul. Blood continue to flow and he is having trouble breathing properly. He felt this before. He knew he felt this sensation before.

Thor finally realizes that something is deadly wrong. He steps forward and reaches out, trying to grasp Loki. But it just makes Loki recoil backward.

"Don't-don't come closer." Loki forcefully huffs. Once more, he lean forward and heaves more red blood. His hands trembles and he feels lightheaded, but he wouldn't let Thor come closer. Wouldn't let him be the golden boy to save the day.

Even if it will kill him.

Wait, was that-was that his thought? Where did it come from? Whose voice is that.

A white flash explodes behind his eyes.

"-what, what is this-ugh!" Loki staggers backward with pounding headache behind his eyes. He rubs his eyes and clutches his head. It feels like it's burning.

Burning. They were burning him. Wait.

Who? Why, when, how?

Fall, darkness, insanity, caught, coerced, stripped, tortured, cold Stone. Woven fate.

Madness worst than void. Worst than death. Beyond fate.

Scared. Scared. So scared.

His will, his desire. They were all his, weren't they? Wasn't he already insane before? He was surely.

His hand slowly creeps up to his neck. He feels a lump behind his neck, just below his hairline. He graze it and flash of frigid air and electricity travels down his spine.

No, get it off-it's cold, get it off, get it-

Loki screams.


	2. Chapter 2

**Note: Hi you all. I saw the request of comments that wanted this story to continue (even tho my first chapter was, to be honest, terrible) so I decided I should at least finish it up. Feel free to comment and sorry about any grammar mistakes that might pop up in advance.**

 **Chapter 2**

Thor didn't realize he was shouting until his own voice began to reach his ears. He felt a deja vu; he felt that he was shouting the same mantra over and over again when Loki has chosen to fall into the void, after almost losing Jane, and after seeing his father in Odin sleep.

Calm down.

He slowly took a step forward with his arms wide without even his hammer by his side. Loki opened his mouth and his eyes are in a daze, no longer in the present. He began to ramble loudly with crescendo until he was screaming as he clutched his head. Abruptly, the screaming stopped, and Loki's eyes rolled back. As if the marionette has its strings cut off, Loki relaxed, tilted sideways and pitched down to the hard concrete ground.

Thor dived for him as he falls. Grabbing the end tail of Loki's armour, he tries to leverage the weight, but realize he would fall with Loki toward the ground. He reached his arm and called for the hammer. As soon as his thought finished, he felt the sensation of leather grip in his right hand. Holding right onto Loki, Thor defied gravity and laws of physics on Earth as he propelled his hammer to rotate in the air and slowly descended to the concrete ground.

The ground state of New York appeared even worse than he thought on a closer look. Shattered window glass pieces and other materials were scattered across the roads, making it impossible to drive to leave New York. Smokes were rising from several buildings, cars were overturned, and the roads had craters as if comets rained down from heaven above. It appeared to be a sieged city that was barely surviving by fortifying underground railways and low ground buildings. There were few people pulled to the sides, either trembling in fear or attending to aid those who were injured. Worst of all, there were bodies on the broken open roads.

However, the perpetrator of this very chaos was caused by his adopted brother whom he just saved. The irony is almost palatable. It filled his mind with confusing emotions and thoughts and so he did what he could only do in the current situation. He boxed in up in his heart. Then, Thor quickly turned toward an alleyway, settled unconscious Loki down on dry concrete and left him against the wall as gently as possible.

He still had a role to fulfill; saving the mortal's city.

After all, Avengers and mortals needed him.

* * *

Loki slowly opened his eyes heavily. His eyes felt as if they weighed a ton. He scraped his pale finger on the concrete alleyway ground as he stretched and flexed them back to life.

He didn't know why, but his head rang as if he drank a gallon worth of brewery by a famous cook known to intoxicate every living being. His inside felt torn and bloated, his throat parched with a taste of iron, and his eyes were wet with tears.

What in the realm of Yggdrasil was going on here?

Most importantly, where the hell was him?

Loki stood up even though his body screams in pain. His body pulled him downward, luring him back to unconsciousness and into innocent sleep. He would have accepted the sweet lure of sleep but deep down, he knew something was wrong. He huffed and groaned in pain as he leaned against the wall for support. He slowly bent the quivering legs upright. Clutching the red brick wall, he staggered forward into the twisted daylight.

He looked around and realized he scarcely recognizes where he was at. He was in New York, a city of Midgardian planet. He felt that this place is oddly familiar, even though it was his first time being in New York. But the image was clearly different from the pictures he saw in his book. Instead of tall strange metal buildings that soared up to the sky, there were unfamiliar debris, craters, and dead bodies.

A screech snapped Loki out of his thoughts and he dragged his eyes toward the source of the sound. An enormous floating creature in a form similar to earthworm had a horrendous sharp metal down on its back. On top of the giant ugly creature, a green creature roared and forced it into one of the tall buildings beyond the skyline.

That creature wasn't supposed to be in Midgard. His eyes looked at another curious device on the ground. They seemed to be a spear weapon of some sort, too advanced to belong on 'Earth'.

Loki feels his chest tighten and he felt ringing in his head. A strangled gasp escaped his throat and he clutched his head, grasping his dusty black hair. Flashes of images played in his mind like flipping through a book with images. Chituri, portal, blue spectre, Avengers, the tesseract.

The purple mad titan.

His eyes widen as dizziness and nausea trickled down to his stomach. He retched onto the ground but his stomach was empty; he only heaved out empty air and saliva coated in red. He felt as if his head was splitting open to expose his bare brain into the open air. He tried to remember the last thing he could recall but all the memories he grasped were distorted or damaged. Somebody has messed with his mind with cold surgical precision and left him to his own device.

Anxiety gripped his throat and his hands trembled. Then, he bit his tongue and felt the sweet bitterness trickle down his throat to clear his mind. He was Loki, the trickster. Hastily, he wiped his mouth, tasting bile on the back of his throat with a sudden taste of iron. But he didn't have much time by the look of increasing mass of Chituri soldiers that strolled around the corner. His hand crackled green with magic and in a flash, he disappeared.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The Green giant was having a hard time holding on. Hulk was on the fringe, grasping at the loose metal plate on the back of the giant caterpillar-like creature that continued to writhe in pain. It made sense that the creature was in pain with a shard of metal stabbed into its segmented fat.

Hulk was proud of his work, but the constant slamming into a tall building was annoying.

He let go abruptly and let himself fall to the ground, shattering concrete under his weight. Immediately, surrounding Chituri launched on to his back, ready to gorge him of his own green skin. Hulk swung his fists and launched them across into an empty building. They didn't move.

Hulk shrugged and marched on. He needed a bigger fight.

* * *

Above Hulk, Hawkeye shot an arrow after an arrow, showering them down repeatedly as far as his eyes could see. For a moment, he saw a sagging figure that came out of the alley. But the figure disappeared as quickly as it came. He wondered who that was but the thought was snatched away as soon as he landed his eyes on the next prey for his arrow to land on. Behind Hawkeye, Black Widow watched his back and tasered couple Chiteri that found their way up to the building. Flawlessly, they moved with fluid coordination without missing a single beat.

Across the building and on the ground was Thor and Captain America. Captain America was ushering people to safety while Thor threw lightning to prevent Chituries from climbing up the building where Hawkeye made it his nest. The brief storm of thunder and lightning clashed in a small street and bounced off the buildings in echos.

* * *

Loki was on top of Stark's building. He looked up at the immense portal that was bleeding black against the crystal blue sky. The professor was at his position alone, staring up in awe.

Abruptly, the professor tore his gaze away from the portal and stared at Loki. Maddeningly, his smile stretched ears to ears.

"Loki! I understand now. I understand what you are doing. It's amazing! This is amazing." The professor stood up and gratefully grabbed Loki's hands and shook them together excessively. Loki's insides churned and he grimaced. He shook off the man's advance and turned to the portal device.

"How do you turn this off, mortal?" Loki shouted over the loud humming noise of the machine. It made his entire vibrate just by being near the objects.

Professor Selvig craned his ears. "What did you say?"

"Turn it off!" Loki yelled, facing the man this time. Suddenly, Professor Selvig froze as if the time stood still. Then, his facial shifted into menacing anger and horror.

He sneered. "This is the greatest invention of all time and you want to turn it off?" He hardened his expression with a determination in his eyes. "I won't let you turn it off." Selvig grabbed the scepter that has been hiding at the corner of the device and swung wildly. Loki ducked and stepped backward. He glanced at the massive energy being produced by the stone at the corner of his eyes. He was running out of time. Sooner or later, it would be impossible to close the portal because of the damage to the fabric of space and reality. So he made a judgment call. He grabbed the scepter, ripped it out of the man's grip, and hurled the professor across the floor. The professor hit the concrete floor face first and grimaced in pain.

With the scepter in his hand, Loki looked for a clue, any clue he could find. Suddenly, he saw it. A written encrypted language of the device. An emergency closure.

He didn't have time to think. Above the skyline and behind the portal, he sensed an immense amount of slithering life forces.

He thrust the sceptre into the beaming flow energy and his world was shattered into kaleidoscopic colours.

Ironman carried nuclear missile on his back.

No biggie he thought briefly. It would be a great story to tell to kids one day.

His rocket thrusters on max, he shot through the winds and up toward where the only dumping ground he could think of the nuclear missile which would have decimated the whole new York city cleanly.

Up to the portal.

Nothing else mattered.

He climbed up, putting everything into the thrusters with determination and arrogant grit. He felt the atmosphere resistance pressing against his bone.

Then, absent hollow darkness.

He let go of the missile and floated. He didn't notice the tint of frost forming on his screen or the rapid drop of body temperature. His eyes drifted to sleep and his ears failed to catch a voice reporting loss of energy. See, he thought vaguely, everything works out.

Then, he no longer thought of anything.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

When Loki woke up, they loomed over him with tension and masked hatred. He couldn't recall who they were, but they looked awfully familiar. He could only get some snippets of images and memories. For one, he remembered one of them offering a drink. He had no idea why, but it seemed like a good time to mention it.

"I think I would like to have that drink now." He said slowly and carefully as if repeating code to continue a secret conversation.

But he wasn't met with friendliness. Instead, Thor pulled out a magic restraint and locked them on Loki's hands. He stared at them blankly and looked back at them. They stared back at him as if he was insane.

"Loki-"

Loki put up his shaking shackled hands. His heart was beating thousand per second. He could feel his magic being restrained. Just like when he was captured before. He shivered.

"No, that's not what I meant to say," he stuttered. "I can explain! Just, take this shackle away" Loki said desperately. "It's because...ugh" his head felt like a split watermelon. His tongue felt loose and he felt the ground shift underneath his feet.

The embedded object in the back of his neck fizzled. He could hear it grinding its gear inside the tiny mechanism. His eyesight blurred.

Stark felt that something was wrong with the Reindeer game. They saw Loki go pale and stare in the distance. Thor also realized once more, something was wrong. Even Natasha looked unnerved.

"Please...just listen to me, Thor. Get this restraint off." He painted with fear in his eyes. "I need my magic."

"Exactly the reason why we need to restrain you." Barton snorted.

"No, you don't understand. This, all of this, wasn't me. It wasn't." Loki mindlessly mumbled. He looked around in paranoia. He knew Other was around somewhere, listening in. His neck prickled.

He reached for the gem embedded in the back of his neck but even a slight movement sent the Avenger gearing to take alert stances. Loki began to sweat. He looked at them all in the eyes but what stared back were blanks filled with loathing, animosity and cold unyielding heart. Only Thor stared at him with sadness, and regret.

"Please Thor, please believe me just one last time," Loki begged. "Just take a look at the back of my neck. There is a mind-"

Loki never got his final word out. Suddenly, he felt as if a knife slid into his soft brain and he lurched in agony. He clutched his mouth shut to not let out a scream but the pain brought him to his knee. His tears fell unwillingly and it took all his energy to maintain consciousness. He felt as if his brain was on fire and his body was continuously being struck by lightning. He could almost smell his skin burning.

It's an illusion he thought. It's all in my head.

But if his pain wasn't even real, then maybe, even the Avenger and Thor wasn't real

After all, if the person in front of him as Thor, he would have surely listened to him. Surely, he would have believed in him.

Another voice whispered. But who would believe in God of lies? The voice chuckled.

The Avenger watched with confusion as Loki collapsed to the ground. The last sound he heard was Thor shouting his name.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"What the hell?" Stark exclaimed loudly. Avengers suddenly whipped into furries of activities. Thor grasped Loki who was now incapacitated. His eyes were rolled back and took heaving breath. His finger twitched and his skin was cold as marble.

"Check his neck, right now." The Black Widow ordered and Thor turned Loki around and parted long pitch-black hair. Thor realized Loki's hair was unkempt and wet with sweat. Thor couldn't remember last time Loki went through his day without showering and coordinating his outfit. He always teased him for that and said he was like a girl.

How much he regret teasing him now. It seemed small and trivial.

Against the chalk-white ivory skin was deep blue Jem embedded into the skin and hatched blue veins open like a spider web. Hulk, finally returned back to Dr. Barton, gasped in horror. "What the hell is that?"

"Corroded Mind gem." Thor grimaced. Then, he turned to look back at curious and anxious Avenger. "Loki is being controlled."

Loki screamed until he couldn't scream anymore.

He was in the dark. He could hear his blood dripping and seeping slowly in between the crack of rough terrain. He screamed again as they stabbed an already blood dripping dagger into his stomach.

At least his stomach was empty.

He couldn't remember how long he was in the dark. But he knew he counted 4 stabbings into his stomach and at least 6 slices on his bareback. His breathing came out warmly with a sickly taste of iron in his mouth. But blood was his water. He couldn't remember any other taste anymore except blood.

It was going to be alright. Loki thought between whimpers. It's alright.

Until it wasn't.

They planted mind gem into him. A gem that was long ago banished by law when slavery across the 8 worlds has become illegal. But that didn't mean abolished slavery disappeared. It just became rare as the stone.

It was a long process where he was weaned off security spell he had planted in his mind to ward off against mind-controlling spell. They turned his own thought against him and slowly, surely, he knew he was going insane. So he did only one thing he could do while left captive by the rock and driven to a point of no return by Mad Titan. He left his own suicide mental trigger deep inside of his mind and the trigger was harming Thor specifically with his own dagger.

It worked like a charm but once again in his mind, both forces were fighting for control. He didn't want to remember and he also didn't want to die. But his options were limited with slithering blue vein that pulsates the wall of his prison.

He knew he was inside a dream. He had to wake up. He didn't want to re-live his torturous memory and without the control of his mind, everything felt jarringly real. He didn't know how long he could last in his tainted mind before giving out to complete control of Mind Jem. But he also felt relieved as he aligned his teeth to bite his tongue.

If nothing worked out, he could finally die in peace. His tired green eyes gaze down to his feet that still shined in determination. He would die on his accord.

Suddenly, out of the corner of his eyes, the Other clasped its bony hand over his mouth.

"Dear Prince, we can't have you finishing your own role so early on. You must continue to live..and suffer!" Other whispered into his ears. He gently coaxed a mind gem behind Loki's neck and slowly, the sharp numbing cold began to creep behind his back. Loki gasped as if he was drowning.

Another deep solemn voice interrupted from deep in the abyss. "Death would be too good for you." It had no menacing hatred but resonated with indifference. It raised its purple hand and gestured in boredom to continue.

"No, no..no." It was so cold, so cold. He didn't want to touch the icy cold that freezes his bones so sharply, it felt as if it was burning. Loki lurched in pain with tears trickling down from his consuming blue eyes. He tried to cry out before the cold took him but he could only let out a strangled breath as the darkness consumed him and the strength from his blood turned to burn ice.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

After laying Loki to a medical table, they peeled off the glued armours to his skin just to inspect the severity damage mind gem had.

It was worse than they thought. It was a single mind gem that was embedded into the skin along the neckline. From there, mutiple blue veins spread across the back like a spider web. Tony inspected it with half morbid curiosity and half caution.

"I think we have to take these out," Tony said bluntly, stating the obvious that permeated the room. When Banner put on surgical gloves and probed it, Loki groaned and opened his eyes. Upon seeing the Avengers with hazy blue eyes, Loki growled and bolted upward, trying to sum up magic in his hand to kill his enemies.

His mind stuttered to stop and he stared into his hand and then back at them. Abruptly, Thor and Steve grabbed his hand.

"Need some restraint here!" Steve said and immediately Jarvis responded by connecting blue tooth with some metallic restraints. But they began to bend under Loki's strength.

"Get your hand off of me filthy mortal!" Loki said with insane anger. His mouth began to froth from the effort and Steve increasingly looks as if he was sprinting the last lap of the marathon without the vigour.

Quickly, Tony went to his workbench and brought over two large magnetic handcuffs made from Tungsten mixed with Titanium.

"Dammit, these are only prototypes but heck, it would be good enough" Tony pause for the kick with a smirk on his face "for a God."

"I'm assuming this was a backup plan for the Asgardian invasion?" Thor looked at him pointedly.

Tony shrugged. "Fury ordered that one alright? It wasn't really my idea to spend time making restraints like a sex-deprived person."

But Loki was no longer listening as the strange magnet restrained his shaking hands. He continued to struggle like a mad man; hard enough to rip the skins and create a small red puddle of blood underneath the table.

"Release me! It's my right, my given right to rule you insignificant ants!" Loki screamed.

"He's going to hurt himself!" Banner said, trying to not get bitten by Loki.

"Can someone, please shut his mouth." Stark droned lazily. "I can't concentrate when I'm trying to finish programming these babies." He gestured to the magnetic shackle attached to the table. "And we don't want rampaging god on the loose."

At this, Loki abruptly stopped his screaming. A memory flashed by in front of his eyes.

 _The voice in the smoke hissed. Why don't we seal that pretty mouth of yours?_ Loki blinked rapidly.

Thor took this chance and he grabbed Loki's frantic head roughly. "Loki, listen to me! We are trying to help you. You have mind-controlling gem embedded in your neck."

Loki glared hatefully at the group as he caught his breath. "Oh really? Well, why don't you make me, Prince of Asgard." Loki said bitterly and he twisted his head to the left despite Thor's grip. Thor growled. "For Yggdrasil, you aren't making this easier!"

"Shut up! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! I wish you to die!" Loki snarled. Then he laughed; the laugh sounded as if he swallowed broken glass. He laughed and laughed until he began to cry. With tear-filled eyes, he opened them once more, and they were murky green like a dark bog.

Loki whispered. "Help me."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"You have to-to take it out." Loki stuttered. He felt as if his tongue was tied, his hands shook within the restraints and Loki could feel the numbing cold creeping back into his blood. He raised his voice. "I can't hold on any longer. Not without my magic."

"We can't unrestraint you," Captain said matter of factly.

"It's too risky." Black Widow agreed coldly. Hawkeye glared at Loki for even voicing the thought of being released and turned away in disgust. Thor stood by the side, uncertain.

"Yeah, who knows if you will go berserk and break more of my windows," Stark added as he hurridly rushed by the medical table with surgical tools, "you're paying for that by the way, plus for other damages."

Loki broke out into cold sweat. He heard a whisper in his ears.

 _You will beg for death._

He didn't want to beg for death, he didn't want to, he shouldn't. He wanted to live so much.

But he couldn't do it anymore. A single tear fell out of his left eye. "Either give me back my magic," he paused, "or just kill me."

"We aren't going to kill you. Just stay still while we surgically remove the gem." Banner assured with a look of concern for Loki's distress. "Look, I'm a doctor. I can remove it." Banner looked at the quick image they took of the mind gem while Loki was unconscious. "I think. Maybe I need to do more test, take some MRI, FMRI and X-rays just in case."

Loki laughed tiredly. "Even the best healers on Asgard would be unable to remove the mind gem without killing the inhabitant corrupted by the gem."

Everyone turned to Thor for confirmation. Thor sighed. "It's a delicate procedure that not even the best healer in Asgard can prevent damages from corroded mind gems. Often than not, the slave died in the process or afterward. It was a rare case, for there was no need to save a slave from an implanted mind gem. After all, they were slaves."

Hawkeye shooked his head in dismay. Steve frowned. Stark gapped. "What the hell is wrong with you people?"

Loki chuckled dryly. "Don't look so surprised. I studied that part of human history very well and it is far less promising and more or less the same. The only problem is you still have slavery in some parts of your world even today." Suddenly, Loki felt the weight of the crime he committed and actually looked at the ways Avengers looked at him.

Some had hate in their eyes and others had eyes of distrust and uncertainty. Even their sad little attempt at the surgery was just a contingency for some reasonable explanation of why he suddenly came to decimate the Earth and rule. It wouldn't be a loss if he died and if he did not, he would be interrogated, maybe tortured, for answers he would willingly give, but untrustworthy.

A _fitting end for a slave._

"Shut up!" Loki grunted. "Shut up, shut up, shut up!" He felt a numbing pain resonate in his head with building pressure. He felt the mind gem flare up once more and his body turning heavy and cold. Blood trickled down from his nose and ears and Loki gazed up at the ceiling, fading in and out of the conversation. They soon became nothing more than background noise under the keening sound that began to crescendo.

"He's bleeding!"

kiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-

"Internally?"

"Brother!"

"How the hell do I know? I'm not a doctor, you are!"

"Why isn't he healing? I thought he could heal."

"His magic is restrained!"

Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-

"Put him under first and give him ACE inhibitors and beta-blockers."

"Wait, where is that stuff?"

"It's right there, beside my medical kit!"

"I found it, here, catch."

The voice sneered in his head.

 _And still you squirm to live like a worm you are. To charm your way out._

 _Beg for death Prince of Lies, beg._

No, he wouldn't give them the satisfaction. He no longer wished to feel powerless or tortured. Not when he had control. He would die, by his own accord. Loki opened his mouth, and then bite down on his tongue.

KIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-

"Shit! he's bleeding from his mouth too." He felt his mouth being forced to open, but he didn't have energy to fight. In fact, he felt peace in his heart.

"Someone grab a towel!"

"Looks like he bit his mouth."

"I have a towel!"

"Why did he go do that for?"

"Brother, it's alright. My comrades have you."

"Was he talking to someone?"

"Hey, we are going to put you under. Don't worry."

Loki flickered his eyes. The world was tilting to the side and disoriented figures came and went like a shadow. As the darkness crept in, he heard the last person speak.

"You're in good hand."


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note: Leave comments if you want this story to continue.**

Chapter 8

"Ok," Banner wiped his hand using an extra towel. "Everything is under control."

But he knew he wasn't fooling anyone. Beside Nathalie, Clinton, and maybe Steve, everyone was frozen in shellshock. No, perhaps everyone was also unnerved by Loki whom they thought was the evil genius behind the Manhatten invasion and countless death was a mere puppet on the string. They were just better at hiding it.

Who wouldn't after one tried to attempt suicide? Banner looked around the bench; it was a bloody mess. He would have to clean it up if it wasn't Stark's insistent need to have a robot to do so. Banner pointed at Dummy robot number 1, but Stark quickly shook his head. No, it would be done by a cleaner robot. So instead, Banner found himself, once more, sitting awkwardly around a literal 'open' bar where the shattered window blew in late afternoon breeze.

"So, I don't know about anyone, but I could really use whiskey right now." Stark announced. He looked at the weird group that was made up of two deadly assassins, one Hyde and Jekyll, a walking ego of America, a god of 'endless tsundere', and himself, a drunk, potentially sociopathic genius without a literal heart. They came a long way from point A to point B.

And now, they had to get to point C.

"I first propose a toast for surviving!" Stark said maddeningly. He took a bottle of whiskey and gulped it down like water. Thor also grabbed a random bottle and raise it over his head, smashed the top, and drank it.

"Bit mild, but I like the after taste," Thor said as he smacked his lip. The bottle he held was Absolute Vodka.

"Isn't it a bit early for a toast?" Steve said firmly. "It seemed like we have another problem at hand."

"There is no time except now to live you know," Stark replied back, already feeling tipsy. "In fact, you should give it a try!"

"I think Steve is right." Banner said quietly.

"Clearly. Loki is innocent. He has been influenced by Mind gem." Thor said matter of factly. His expression softened. "If only we could find a way to remove it. I already lost my brother once. I cannot bear to lose him once more"

"He was talking to someone," Steve said.

"Are you sure? I thought he was telling us to shut up." Stark quipped. Everyone stared at him pointedly. Stark looked disgruntled. "Ok, ok, I was joking. I'm drunk you know."

"I do not know if the mind gem allows for communication to its master, but it may be likely," Thor said in dismay. "The enemy must have targeted Earth for Tesseract using Loki as a pawn."

No one said about the elephant in the room. They all saw the old scars Loki suffered.

"He probably has more information," Clinton said quietly. "If he doesn't die, he can tell us. If he is sane again when he wakes up."

"It will take time for his tongue to heal," Thor said with rising anger in his voice.

"He can write it down."

"So you are saying we should let him die?"

"I'm not saying that!"

"That is what you are saying!"

Banner stood up. "Hey, guys, guys!" They continued to talk over him. "Guys, honestly, I HAVE A SOLUTION!" He shouted. Silence permeated the room. Stark sipped his whiskey quietly. Banner looked at his hand. The green tinge was fading back to his skin colour. "Sorry," he blushed, "I didn't mean to shout but just listen. There is a way."

"Remember how we tracked Tesseract using a wave sequence? The sceptre was connected to the Tesseract which also enabled mind control. I bet that the same control also applies to mind gem that's imbedded in Loki's neck. We can reverse engineer the wave and have them cancel each other out. After that, Loki should be free from mind control from the gem. It should work theoretically." Banner looked at Stark for confirmation. Stark thought for a moment and then suddenly grinned.

"That's not theoretically! That's totally possible!" Stark stood up excitedly. "Let me write down some formulas. I will be right back."

* * *

The blue waves climbed upward innocently, slowly eating away the rocky cliff of the island with grey clouds hanging over the sky. Loki sat on top of the cliff and stared out into the endless blue horizon and felt the winter wind moving inward. Soon, it will reach the island where it will lay those down to fall asleep in its cold embrace and be swept under the blue ocean.

He tried to escape it several times, using any method he could try. But all he had was wreaked ships, even worse than before. The cliff walls were torn down by incoming thunders and rain that came during his escape. And thus, back to him being stranded on the island once more. This time, he didn't even have his fire to keep out the wind. He shivered and stiffened. The creeping blue was settling in like a numb cold once more.

The island was like a sinking ship and one way or another, it will face an end.

Loki was sure, that would end. The end for him to stop staring at the endless encroaching blue waves.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: Nope, I will probably not repost this in AO3 because honestly, they spam me with so many privacy notices etc every single time I try to read something there, so posting there is not a good option for me. To other commenters, you do know this is an angst adventure story :) but don't worry, it will get better, one way or another.**

Chapter 9

Stark never came back for his drink. In fact, Banner followed him to help out with the formula to the basement and from there, they spent 2 hours formulating rough draft for equations, some error speculations and design inputs. Afterward, they came out looking haggard. In the main foyer, Nathalie was on the phone discreetly at the side. Thor was gripping his hammer as if it had all the answers and Steve asked questions to Clinton, trying to gain pieces of information about what will happen next. Yet, Clinton invaded the questions and kept himself distracted with his bow and arrows.

Banner looked at the time and frowned. "I'm going to check if the sedative is still working. Maybe increase the dosage since it looks like it will take a while to make the anti mind gem conduit."

Stark replied back with a grunt and sprawled on the couch. Then, he glanced at his watch. "Well, look at the time." He tapped his watch in deep thought. Then he grinned.

"So, anyone still up for that shawarma?"

* * *

After a good meal of Shawarma, Clinton and Nathalie left to wash up and report back to SHIELD. Steve offered Stark if he needed a place to stay which Stark bluntly refused. "I have broken windows and shattered floors. It's not the end of the world." Stark murmured under his breath. Steve also opened the gesture to Banner but Banner had to refuse as well because he had to keep watch on Loki's status. It was given that Thor, would also stay. Thor did not bother to ask but Stark was too tired to argue.

"Oh goodie, a sleepover," Stark said with sarcastic enthusiasm. "I would be overjoyed if I wasn't housing alien gods and uh-" he glanced at Banner and swallowed a retort. "A brilliant scientist by my side."

"What is a sleepover?" Thor asked.

"It's when you go to your friend's house and stay for the night," Stark explained tiredly.

"I do not sleep with a man even if one is my friend." Thor frowned in disgust, each word dripping with distastefulness.

"Ugh! That's not what I mean. Just, think it as only staying for the night and nothing else!"

Stark thought about Pepper and missed her, badly.

* * *

Banner checked the sedative once more before going to sleep. His eyes chased across Loki's scars on his skin that ran all the way his collarbone. Loki's face looked haggard and twisted as if he was having a bad dream. His skin was pale, cold and heavy with sweat that ran down from the chest onto the table.

Banner turned off the light in the room and closed the glass door. "It will get better, I'm sure."

* * *

The next day around midnight, they finally finished the prototype while Thor simply did nothing but loitering around the building with intangible boredom. It was a form of a necklace with a programing chip that identified the specific wavelength and re-enforce the opposite wavelength to cancel the effect. It was simple, yet brilliant. The integrity of the wave particles was maintained within the form of the light produced from the mind gem that shifted and altered as time went on. It would have been almost impossible task until they had a breakthrough during the evening after drinking multiple red bulls and energy drinks that vacuum robot has swept away.

Surprisingly, they haven't heard anything back from SHIELD for a couple of days. The rational nagging of Nathalie's and the aloof demeanours of Clinton in the background was reassuring, but without them, they were uncertain how to proceed to the next step. Steve was out of commission and they couldn't reach his phone. Stark wondered if Steve knew how to operate a phone.

"Ok, you're up." Stark tapped Thor's shoulder. Thor looked at him strangely. "Yes, I am up."

Before Stark could roll his eyes, Banner cleared his throat. "He means it's your turn to help your brother."

"Yes, finally! What can I do?"

"We are going to put the necklace around Loki's neck and then wake him up. But we don't know if it actually works so you are going to hold him while he awakes. If anything goes wrong, you hit him with your hammer. Capish?"

"I do not know what capish is, but I understood the rest."

"K, that's all you need to understand really."

With bags under their eyes, they all gazed at Loki as Stark slowly put the necklace around Loki's neck. With a click, the necklace hummed with energy and the dull green programming chip became bright lapis green. Banner slowly lower the dosage of the sedative. They waited in silent anticipation.

Loki slowly opened his eyes.


	10. chapter 10

**Author's note: it would be interesting in the comment section if you guys noticed any small details or easter eggs I added in for chpt 9 just so I know someone got it or not. Guess I will mention them here:**

 **-shawarma: post-credit scene reference**

 **-stark saying it's not the end of the world: avenger end game reference**

 **-sleepover rant: fanfic ships in avenger universe of fanfics (frankly, there are a lot of them and not that they are wrong, but they sometimes deviate from the character way too much)**

 **-blue waves: title of this fanfic here has obvious double meaning: blue waves in Loki's mind that are slowly encroaching and the blue wave emitted physical in the real world**

 **For the next one, if someone gets all of it, I will be impressed.**

 **Welp, enjoy.**

Chapter 10

Loki blinked his clear green eyes, once and then twice more. Then slowly, he tried to get up but realized his arms would not move despite his will to move it. With rising panic, he twisted his head left and right.

"Where am I?" Loki croaked dryly. His mouth felt bloated, coated in dry blood and his tongue tasted like iron with a tear in the middle. His voice did not betray a hint of anxiety but his eyes that searched the room in the medical lamp light overhead told a different story. Banner moved the light away from Loki's eyes.

They all have spent considerable time with unconscious Loki whether they liked to or not. The first thing they realized Loki was wearing glamour. Yet without magic, Loki was skin and bones; bones jutted out of the skin like a stretched leather filled with stitches, bruises and cuts all below the neck. Loki had shadows under his eyes which were made even more prominent against his sickly pale skin with throbbing hair-thin parasitic blue veins. To top it off, marking of fingernails deep in his palm as if he made them to prevent from screaming in pain. Loki was a sad sight to see.

However, from Loki's calm demeanour, he did not realize his glamour was gone.

Suddenly, Thor came into the view and grabbed him violently.

"I have him!" Thor said anxiously. Not knowing what to do next, he just stared at Loki, waiting for a miracle. Loki's expression shifted from placid facade to plain annoyance. "What are you doing you oaf. Let go of me."

"What, so you can kill us?" Stark remarked.

Loki narrowed his eyes and scoffed. "No, of course-"

Memories flashed in front of his eyes. Loki cringed at the destruction of the city, his mocking threats toward Avengers and the most embarrassing amplification of his insane pride as he demanded the humans to kneel. He gasped at the weight of the memories and the terror of his insane actions.

Loki curled his thin fingers anxiously. "How many did I kill?" Loki asked hesitantly. He had to know, to make sure.

They were all silent for a moment. Then, Banner spoke up somberly. "Black Widow said you killed about 80 people in 2 days and 74 in the New York Attack. Plus 100 of other casualties we can't identify the bodies of or missing people in the areas you showed up in. Who knows how many others since you arrived on Earth?"

"I'd say between 500 to 600." Stark guessed roughly on top of his head. "Based on my rough calculation at least. You have been here for a while and if you killed 80 people in 2 days..." he trailed off, realizing his estimate did not help.

Loki looked up at the ceiling, not meeting any of their eyes. "I see."

Stark clasped his hand loudly, drawing the attention back to himself. "OK, Meeting, right now, outside of the door."

"But didn't you want me to hold Loki down?" Thor asked.

"Well, change of plan." Stark hissed. "Let's go." Stark gestured to Bruce and Bruce followed behind him. Thor looked at Loki, shrugged, and then followed, leaving Loki alone in the blindly lit medical bay.

* * *

"OK, so the sleeping beauty is awake." Stark said. "I didn't actually think that would work," Stark shrugged as he looked at Banner. "I know we are both geniuses but it was a theory for goodness sake. Anyway, we have another problem. How the hell do we know he is not lying to us? It could be an another act." Stark he stared at the camera that displayed Loki in the medical bay suspiciously.

"We don't," Bruce said honestly.

"I believe he is not lying," Thor said, trying to convince the two. "His eye colors changes from blue like the gem to green. Loki I always knew had green eyes. Doesn't that mean anything?"

"So what if he's eye colour changed? That could be due to the light! It doesn't prove anything!" Stark shouted. Being a man of science, it was obvious he needed proof before he could let Loki out to roam around the very tower he destroyed. That was most logical, most rational and most practical. Yet, didn't Stark become Iron Man to no longer tie down to practicality? After all, putting the war criminal in jail was practical and rational. He thought he left that behind in Afghanistan. "Ugh, I need a drink and then pass out."

Stark glanced at the state Loki was in. He has lost weight considerably since last time they have seen him trapped in the glass prison, but even then, Loki must have been wearing a glamour. For a moment, the heatwave of anger rushed from his head down to his fist. He remembered Agent Coulson's death. How he died tragically and unfairly.

It didn't matter if Loki was controlled; people were dead. People who will never return.

Yet, who was he to judge? Didn't he kill people too? From the time when he sold weapons to the present now, he has always killed people, he knew. The only difference was it didn't weight on his mind, he told himself often, or it was for greater good, the Greater Good. But at night, they haunted his nightmares.

This time will be no different. Stark still felt rattled by Death that had him almost in its grasp. But, such emotion was also from the weight of Death he had carried out in the past, the present, and perhaps in the future made him unable to think except to drink.

Banner spoke up. "I don't think he's acting. He asked how many people he killed. If he was still controlled by the gem, would he really care?" He also glanced at the monitor. "But I think we should keep him without magic, just in case."

"Yeah, he can't do much without his magic." Stark agreed, then with uncertainly, he asked. "Right?"

"He can still crush your throat just as easy as crunching a paper," Thor shrugged.

* * *

Loki felt numb.

He was free from the control of the mind gem, but he could still feel the imbedded gem eating away his body slowly like a disease.

The room was quiet; the ceiling were too high and Loki felt small in the room, once more tied up and helpless. Looking around, he found himself staring at a mirror just across from him on the left. He finally realized how he seemed: thin, haggard, and scars all of his body. He also realized for the first time, he was bare. He couldn't help but start shivering, either out of the coldness of the white room or for something else he did not want to name. He desperately reached for magic to cast illusion upon himself, but felt no spark.

 _What are you without your magic?_

Another feeling of hollowness settled down on his chest. Without his magic, the mind gem would continue to eat his body without slowing down.

There were no other choice for him. There never were often, Loki thought. Then he bite his lips and broke his thumbs.


	11. Chapter 11

NOTE: Hope you all stay safe from COVID-19. Guess I can make bulk progress on these stories tho.

Chapter 11

Loki collapsed on the red couch near the hanger. He has climbed the staircase from the hospital bay up to the top floor where broken shards still remained with shattered tiles. Yet the window remained broken and a welcoming night breeze flew into the building. He felt the strange necklace humming along and doing its job and his magic slowly healing his broken thumbs, along with the rest of collaterals. He felt like he could breathe again.

He was no longer drowning in the blue waves.

Yet, he didn't know how long this will last.

He contemplated his last action- undoubtfully a cowardly action before he was put under. But, he already was beyond the term "brave" that used to follow Thor like a loyal dog with a leash in comparison to his own "sliver tongue" that latched onto him like a snake bite. He thought it wouldn't even make a dent in his history. Not with the genocide of Middle Earth in his mind and also his dealing with the forsaken Titan. Suddenly, such thought made him nauseous and he would have vomited, yet his stomach was hollow and empty.

So, he sat on the couch and waited anxiously.

* * *

Banner glanced at the screen as Steve and Thor continued to argue while Stark tried to settle both of them down. Banner frowned and squinted his eyes. Like playing find the difference, he glanced at the screen and then blinked to see if he saw correctly. Like lightning, he realized there was no one under the restraint on the screen.

The intercom came alive with a voice.

"Loki has escaped from his restraints."

"What?" Steve shouted. He bolted up straight. "Show me where he is right now." On-screen, Loki was sitting calmly on a red couch, looking nonchalant as ever.

"Shit! Why didn't you tell me he woke up?" Stark shouted.

"I felt that the discussion you were having here was fruitful," Jasper replied.

"No shit, really?" Stark said. They all scrambled to the door and onto the main floor where the broken pieces of glass littered the floor.

The morning sunset was peeking from the horizon and morning sunlight trickled into the shattered building like a new dawn. Loki didn't bother to block the sunlight that shone onto his face. Instead, he bathed in the warmth.

When was the last time he had felt warm? The Void has been freezing and everything else with his jumbled up memory was always filled with cold. He tried not to think of it. The memory was overwhelming and he could not, would not be buried underneath again. Didn't he deserve at least, to exist under the sunlight just like everyone else?

 _A frost giant, craving warmth? Cold is what you should be seeking. In coldness and darkness, is where your true form lies._

Loki took in a shuttered breath. He had to forget, forget and-

The sudden crunch of glass made him open his eyes. There stood the four men that would rather see him in prison, punished for his crimes.

Stark already had his iron hands, ready to shoot, Banner stood by the side off in the corner looking anxious, Steve stood calmly, assessing the situation to determine the best course of action and Thor looked worried.

"How the hell did you get out of your restraint?" Banner exclaimed. Loki twitched his thumbs that were slowly being healed. "I broke my thumbs."

"Don't do anything funny." Iron man said. "I'm running on Redbulls and energy drinks so I might just accidentally fire it if you move an inch."

"Raised your hand where we can see them," Steve commanded.

Slowly, Loki raised his hands over his head. "If you put me back on the restraint, it's like a death sentence for me."

"We said we couldn't risk giving your magic back."

"And I told you I need my magic to heal."

 _You mean to keep your sanity._

"We checked your condition. You don't have any internal injuries and most of your scars, well, they are old scars. As long as they aren't opened by accident, I don't think you will need your healing ability."

"It's not something you can see with your ( _pathetic_ ) mortal eyes and instruments," Loki said venomously. Then, realizing how he sounded, he tried to gloss it over with a calm breath, but instead, he sounded haggard. "I can feel it. It's the mind gem. It's slowly degrading my body. Even if you stopped it degrading my mind, it won't stop wreaking havoc on my body."

Banner had the restraints in his hands. They were like durable yet light metal cuffs. "Just think of them like probational ankle monitors." He said gently as possible as if trying to capture a wounded dog.

Loki's body trembled. "Stay away." He warned as his hand began to crackle with energy.

"Loki, just listen to Banner. He knows what he is doing." Thor said reassuringly and quickly, a hopeful light that lit in Loki's emerald eyes as he looked at his brother Thor fell like fallen stars.

 _How pathetic. Even your brother trusts his 'friends' than his own brother. But when has he ever looked at you in brighter light compare to his loyal friends?_

Steve closest to Loki, studied his face and his eyes and deep in them and he saw the same emotion he saw when he gazed into eyes of soldiers that laid in the battlefield, clutching on his shoulder as half of their bodies were burnt beyond recognition or paralyzed by gunshot wounds.

They screamed always just one thing.

I don't want to die.

Suddenly, Loki started coughing as if the instigation pulled a trigger. Slowly, he swayed onto the couch with his head bowed as coughs rattled his bones and lungs. Covering his mouth with his hand, blood dribbled down from his mouth to his neck like a stretched red string. Loki wheezed as he felt each breath he took felt like glass shards going down his throat. Then, he collapsed on the couch like a puppet with broken strings.

Startled, Banner and Steve rushed toward Loki as Thor stood by in between surprise and a shock.

"He's breathing." Banner said in relief.

"That's it!" Stark shouted as he put down his iron hands to his side and disabled them. "I can't deal with this. I spent the last 48 hours or so making an object that was sorely based on theory. I'm going to bed."

"But, what about my brother?" Thor asked in bewilderment.

"I don't know! He's your brother! He's not crazy anymore and he's practically on a death bed. You take care of him. " Stark shouted, then mumbled something about babysitting as a worst occupation and left for the hall.

Banner looked at Loki awkwardly at this situation and back at Stark walking away into the hall. "Uh, I guess Thor, you stay with Loki. I'm going to find a ventilator for him."

Then, Banner left quickly back to the hallway downstairs to medicine bay. Steve sighed and shook his head at a typical Stark reaction and gave Thor a look. "I'm going to find a room for Loki to stay in. There should be one for guests in this tall building. Keep an eye on him." Then, Steve also left.

Thor looked at unconscious Loki and thought for a long time.

Later in bed, Steve told himself he should have no guilty conscience. Yet, he did.


End file.
